After a friend of mine recently bought a new home in Florida, she returned to visit, so I gave her a housewarming present: a suitcase full of bare root orchids to tie onto her trees.

I took a sturdy garbage bag, lifted all the root orchids out of their pots, gave them a shake and dropped them into the bag. We just don’t have the right spot for them to thrive in this house, and they deserved a better life.

Another plant giveaway came at the end of summer. My Chinese-inspired terrace garden has hosted a pair of potted cycads for many years. Because these tropical plants must winter indoors, my success in growing them from cute 6-inch sprigs into 3-foot porcupines caused them to be very unpleasant to bump into in the dead of night. As a result, they were re-homed to a friend’s new conservatory to keep his 12-foot cycad company.

Many of us think of houseplants as forever relationships. My daughter’s carried a tall weeping fig with her through several moves. With each move, it pouts for a while and drops most of its leaves in protest, but gradually responds with new growth as it settles into a different window. I have aloe plants from generations of pups going back to my mother’s kitchen window decades ago.

But it doesn’t always work that way.

Not every houseplant thrives for every gardener or in every house. If you’re having trouble growing something, it might be that you simply haven’t found the right plant yet.

Is your house too dry? Quit trying to grow ferns and orchids; get cacti or succulents. Some beautiful trailing succulents and fun plants, such as the flapjack plant (Kalanchoe thyrsiflora), thrive in dry spots.

If your home is too dark, choose plants that like low light, such as an aspidistra, peace lily, Chinese evergreen or snake plant. Also, accept that some plants aren’t meant to last forever, delight in them for their season, and then give them an honor guard ceremony to the compost bin. This group includes holiday poinsettias and amaryllises, forced bulbs like grape hyacinths and florist crops such as Martha Washington geraniums or cinerarias. Unless you’re a commercial grower, these plants aren’t meant to be forever partners.

It takes a disciplined mind to acknowledge that some plants just won’t work for your conditions. That doesn’t mean you have a “brown thumb”; it just means you’re a realist.

It’s taken me about five years to settle on the plants that thrive in my conditions. Spider plants, peace lilies and snake plants are almost impossible to kill, and fine new varieties are available. I replaced the cycads with a tall, graceful, white-flowered bird of paradise that’s much safer in the dark. The calamondin orange delights with frequent bursts of fragrant blossoms and tiny, tart fruits. Geraniums and begonias love this house and bloom all year. The pink poinsettias will linger for a few months.

Finally, the last amaryllis surprised us with three flower spikes! Trooper that it is, after it blooms, it might just have to move to Florida in the next suitcase.

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